Monday, May 31, 2010

Not-So-Good News

This past Tuesday, Bret and I submitted the last of our adoption paperwork.
This past Friday, we got a not-so-good email from our wonderful social worker who has been working with us since January.
It seems, because I am pregnant, it is not looking like we are going to get approved to adopt. To say we are frustrated would be a huge understatement! It seems that "the system" worries that families who are expecting will not have enough time to devote to the newly adopted family member. Issues of jealousy and time management were brought up. When I read the part about jealousy, I thought, "That is normal even between biological siblings!" Talk about irritated! And then, I thought, "NO mom can EVER have enough time to devote to her children! There are just not enough hours in the day to do it ALL!" But, mothers do their best. Yes, newborns take time but, we have a good 5 months between now and then to get our new daughter and get schedules, routines, etc. all reasonably figured out. I feel like now, time is being wasted!
We are further frustrated because we have gone to such great lengths to make the adoption possible--as all adoptive parents do. We uprooted and moved to a much larger house across town. We traded in our Mustang and bought another SUV so that we'd always have a working "family" vehicle no matter what. We have already checked with our pediatrician, the kids' dentists, and insurance companies to reassure ourselves that everything is ready to go. We have paid babysitters, taken time away from our own children, spent thousands of dollars on classes and backround checks, etc.
Never, NEVER were we told along the way that a pregnancy would bring our hopes to adopt to a screeching halt! No, we didn't plan on getting pregnant. In fact, we have always had to try hard to get pregnant. But, now that we are, we consider it just a part of life. We're married. We have sex. There is always the chance of pregnancy!
So anyways, we are now waiting to hear back from our social worker on the final word. Bret and I don't understand how a family with two parents, one being a SAHM who has plenty of time to devote to her family unlike a working mom, one being a soldier who will never become unemployed and who is paid well, with excellent health insurance, big, brand new beautiful housing, sweet kids, stable finances, supportive family and friends, and an exciting life of traveling and new experiences could EVER be turned away to adopt a child! We "just don't get it". But then, I keep reminding myself and Bret that God's plans are not always ours. I know that. I know that. I know that. But, it doesn't make it any easier. But, knowing God is much bigger than any social services agency keeps me filled with hope. We have a terrific social worker who is pulling for us, going before a formal board to plea our case, and we are thankful for that. At first, it was because we are a military family that we had "going against us". And now, it is my pregnancy with #4. My friends that have adopted and my own father was right, "Get ready for the fight of your life!"
I have come to the conclusion that no matter what happens, I will be OK with whatever decision is made. Perhaps baby #4 is God's way of giving us more children w/o the headache and heartache of adoption. And who knows, maybe we'll end up adopting in the future. In a way, I'm so curious to see what God is up to. He has really thrown me some doozies in the last year so, this outta be good--no matter what happens! Either way, I've got a precious baby on the way, a Christmas present for us to enjoy this coming winter. And if we are blessed with an adoption, we'll have twice the blessing to celebrate this year!
Please pray for us these next few weeks. You know I'll keep you posted!


  1. So sorry to hear this Joy, but everything seems to happen for a reason. Chin up mama!! XO

  2. So sorry love....don't get too down until you hear the final word. Thinking of the Bemis Clan!

  3. I am so sorry Joy. Just remember everything happens for a reason and it might seem hard to understand right now but God has a plan for you and your family. You never know what wonderful things he has in store for your future! Love you guys!

  4. I wondered what was going on with the adoption. Wow. It has always amazed me at how there are all these little ones who need a home, but it is such an ordeal and frustrating process to get them there.
    God has the perfect plan for you all ... and the perfect little ones for you, too. Momma used to always tell me that when I pray I should go ahead and say "thank you" for providing what I was requesting. For instance, before we bought our home, she used to say "When you pray, tell God thank you for the house He already has out there for you." Maybe you could do the same about children.

    Love ya!